Dear Charlie,

I appreciate your candidness. Many people whom we have had the privilege of working with at MeadowHaven became believers in the destructive group they joined. Also, many find relief and healing from vexing afflictions, or good life/character skills that they carry the rest of their lives. The point? Not all of the former member’s destructive group experience was loss and waste. However, having said that, nobody wakes up one morning and says, “I have nothing better to do today. I think I’ll join a destructive group and have them ruin my life!” People make what they believe to be a good choice for their future.

Now, more to the question you have asked. It sounds like your family of origin is very dysfunctional, and has been for an extended period of time. And, from what you describe it would appear that there were problems long before you ever joined the TF. It also sounds like you have done well; have worked very hard at your own recovery and achieved a certain level of healing. This is not to say there still are not other areas of your life you would want to address (as you seem to allude to). However, I would ask you (in light of what you have described about your family of origin) what you hope to gain from pursuing them any further? And, what cost to you and your immediate family are you willing to pay?

Your mother and some of your siblings sound like they are very emotionally damaged. It is wonderful that they have at least seen fit to seek reconciliation with you, but the restitution you are looking for will likely never come.

There are some folk we work with at MeadowHaven whose family of origin is like yours, or worse. For them, any contact can be toxic. Their family of origin is actually destructive to them, like the cult they left. F. Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby has one of his characters say, “The best revenge is to do well.” Yes, it would be nice to have the money you speak of for your family, and it is an injustice that your brother scammed you (and your sisters) out of your inheritance. However, you have worked hard to build character and integrity. That process is ongoing and has nothing to do with money. I would encourage you to guard jealousy what you have worked hard to gain. Nobody can take that from you. May God give you wisdom.