Dear Concerned Mom:

I appreciate your candidness about life after the Family. Twenty years is a long time to be in any destructive group, particularly a destructive group like the Family. I commend you for talking about your experience with those who could help you after you left the group. That has only made your road to healing less filled with potholes, nails and road blocks. Sadly, your husband’s response is the typical male response, “it is something we just don’t talk about.” Trauma is like a cancer, if you do not deal with it, IT WILL DEAL WITH YOU. Sadly, your husband is a case in point, and it will only get worse as time goes on. We see this all the time at MeadowHaven.

You have written about your daughter but it seems that you are struggling with your husband as well. That is normal and as it should be, you have been married for 32 years. However, you cannot rescue him. You can pray for him, heal on your own, and let him know that you are there for him if he ever wants to try and put his life back together again. But, you must go on with your life for your own sake and the sake of your children.

Concerning your 16 year old daughter, I would encourage you to never assume that she is not interested in your families’ history. It is important that you sit down and share with her as honestly as you can why you joined the Family, how it was not what you thought it was going to be, why you left, and if you had it to do all over again you would make different choices. She is going to get a lot of distortion on the internet. It is important that you help her process your families’ past in the best way possible. Let her know you were not trying to deceive her, just answer her questions openly and honestly.

Also, it can be helpful if you know any young adults who were born and raised in the Family who are intact emotionally and psychologically and would be willing to talk with her. She is going to need help integrating her roots into a society that is shocked by most of what they hear and cannot understand.