HI, Bob. Nice to meet you. I understand you have been helping exmembers with various counsel and advice, and I am sure that many have been helped and are very thankful for your sacrificial , sweet and compassionate assistance and support.

I just have a question regarding something of your that was posted on Open House in reference to post-cult emotional damage.

The passage reads as such:

"However, having said that, destructive groups like the Family take a legitimate Biblical principle, like authority, and use it against you as a member. Let me explain. God intends the proper use of authority in a context of His grace to free His people; within destructive groups just the opposite occurs. Their kind of authority enslaves you to the group. However, as a member or former member it is all just authority, and that is what is so confusing. Thus, when you leave the destructive group and experience a Pastor or Elder exercising a legitimate use of authority it is going to feel like the abusive authority that was so traumatic for you in the previous environment. This is called a “trigger".

There is also another problem, Miriam. When a person leaves a destructive group (whether they were kicked out or walked out, doesn’t matter) their emotional, psychological and spiritual boundaries have been totally destroyed by the group. Thus, the former member often feels completely helpless in the face of authority figures. They will alternate between having concrete walls for boundaries to protect themselves from any perceived threat. Or, they will have no boundaries at all and will end up being used and abused because they cannot say “no". The reestablishment of boundaries is always a very critical issue for any former member of a high control, destructive group.

I understand that you were answering a certain poster about her specific question, so my understanding is that this was not intended to be a sweeping statement to be applied to all ex-cultists, am I right?

In the part about authority, I was wondering if it might be true in some cases, but not all. Do you think it might be possible that persons with a problem yielding to authority after they leave a cult, such as in a job, or even church, in some cases may have had the same problem while they were a member of the group, or even , for that matter, since before they even joined?

Could it possibly be that the basic character of that person, whether saved or not, has had a bad run -in with authoritative figures in his /her life perhaps say, since childhood, and thus was carried
all through adolescence, teen years, and early adult years, right on into The Family, and then carried out with them when they left?

I wondered about that because it seems unusual that this rule of the thumb would apply to everyone. For example , I was quite a submissive
person in my youth, and had no problem with authority with my folks, school, the military, job, and in the Family. The only time I did start having problems was when I noticed that there was definite abuse, and I saw that authority being manipulated.

Now that I am out of TF, I have a job, in fact , two, and sometimes do other jobs for people, and have to follow rules and regulations outside of TF, and I don't have any problem with that.

The only time I question things is when I do see something I don't understand or feel something is funny, but it is not a situation where I get totally mutinous.

I am inclined to believe that the myth of all ex cultists having emotional damage is unfounded.

There are those who do look at their experience in a positive way, leaving was not dramatic for them.
In fact they feel enriched by the experience, and have gone on to normal ,productive lives without any post-traumatic disorders.

I also have read about those who left The Family or another cult, and were deprogrammed. They suffered a traumatic post-cult emotional life for years until they slowly recovered.

In 75% of these cases the trauma was actually caused by the deprogramming, not the cult life.

So I was wondering if it would not be a misattribute to say that when people leave a group
it is a rule of the thumb that all of their their emotional, psychological and spiritual boundaries have been totally destroyed by the group.

I feel that there may be people that you have dealt with where this may be true, and I am sure you have had success in helping them, and there may be other persons that this may apply to, but I wonder if it is too much to say it would always apply?

In my opinion, I feel that for someone on NDN to post the part of your message to Miriam that I copy and pasted above, is great of course, but I feel that it also could be taken the wrong way, and that it may be interpreted to mean that all newly exited ex-members would be emotionally destroyed and so would not be able to comprehensibly and logically communicate properly
about important issues on ex-member boards.

They also may feel like a low class citizen and "below" or "behind" the other more "mature " brethren who have had more experience on the outside.

There is also the possibility that they may be looked upon as Spiritually unstable, when they attempt to share the beliefs of their faith, if they are enthusiastic enough to do so, because of the mind set that they are still emotionally unbalanced.

I do believe there are stages ex members go through and I also went through various stages when I left, and there were times of uncertainty and doubt.

But my faith is founded on the Lord Jesus Christ, and in my troubles I did seek His face , and He led me to His Word, and I believe that His miraculous healing power, and supernatural Word is the cause of my speedy deliverance from any traumatic symptoms at all, even though I was also
very stressed and went through a lot in The Family and right after I left.

I thought it would be important to mention because
I feel if someone feels they do need to have a certain amount of time to recover and get their equilibrium back again, that they are not capable to deal with a normal life on the outside yet, then they would need that recovery.

I left The Family more than 2 years ago, after 35 years, and feel perfectly capable to discuss important matters, including spiritual, with the other ex members, despite some comments about how I haven't been out long enough to know anything,
and to be looked down upon by some(not all of course)

I do not have the intellectual knowledge of some, but I do have the experience, and have healed in a rather short time. In fact my wife and I are currently helping some other ex members in a spiritual way, who are nationals of the country we are in, and have started a small home church here.

I am not disturbed at the negative and even critical comments made at times there on the board, but it does disturb me that there may be new posters who come there for closure who encounter some hostilities, or a not so good reaction from some, because they don't know the ropes there and what to say and how to say it, and may get discouraged and leave thinking that they were not received because they are in some way unstable emotionally. This can be disturbing for some if they are treated in this way I think.

Well, I know this is long and I am sorry I know you are very busy and if you don't have tie to comment on this that is ok. Thanks for all your help.
Keep up the good work there.

In His Love, Jackie

Sorry, this is so long, I apologize, but I