Questioner: “A part of our cult experience was polygamy, group sex, lesbian relationships and, unbeknownst to some, pedophilia. What are your thoughts on these four issues?”

I appreciate the sensitivity and anonymity of this question. I know that I am on “sacred ground” here. We are very wonderful and complex creations of our God, and sex, sexuality and gender are built into the very fabric of our being. They are essential parts of what it means to be human, to be male and female, and to be made in His image. Psychologically, emotionally and spiritually there are serious repercussions to exercising our free will outside His express will in these areas. This is the area where at MeadowHaven we witness the greatest trauma in cult survivor’s lives.

Usually the person internally feels a massive amount of alienation:

1. Alienation from their own self because deep down inside they knew it wasn’t right. They look back and say, “How could I have done this? Why didn’t I say no? etc.”

2. Alienation from their mate if they are married because even though I was “sharing”, or my wife was FFing for the Lord, still, this was MY mate; “something just wasn’t right about this.” Something sacred between them was trampled upon, lost, obscured.

3. Alienation from God because when they look back how could God have allowed this to happen when they were giving their all to serve Him? How could this go so wrong?

Sexual relations in any of the four situations also cross all boundaries. This creates much guilt and shame for the former member. Boundaries are an essential part of how we define our person. A person’s sexuality is a gateway into the core of their being, who they are. Women and children are particularly vulnerable when it comes to sexuality. Women are vulnerable because of the power differential with men, and the woman’s desire to please the man. Children are vulnerable because of their weakness and utter dependence upon adults.

There is so much more that could be said, but the most important thing to understand is that healing is possible no matter what a person has experienced or gone through. We have seen some real horror stories but everything can be redeemed in Him if properly dealt with and processed.

If the person has experienced sexual abuse (either as a willing or unwilling participant, or perpetrator) their trauma manifests in various ways