Question posted by “Someone”:

“There are a number of people after the cult who have same sex relations. …I love my life partner as much as a man could love a woman… In MeadonHaven would that be discouraged or see as ‘sinful’? Do you see self actualization only truly possible in a conservative Christian basis? Or at MeadowHaven do you put aside personal faith for those that don’t identify with Christianity in order to help clients discover themselves?”
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This is an excellent question. I am amazed, pleased and honored that this “experimental forum” (Ask Bob Pardon) would generate such deeply personal questions.

I would like to begin with the last question. It does not make any difference to us what belief system a resident embraces. Our major concern is that we are able to “scratch where the prospective resident itches” and that there is compatibility with the current residents. However, most of the residents whom we have the privilege of working with at MeadowHaven have come from Bible based groups. Thus, they have been told (often for years) Who God “really” is, what to believe, what to think, how salvation is achieved, etc., and all in the Name of God! Thus, one of the first things we tell the incoming resident is that we do not want be just another in a long line of individuals telling them what to believe. They have been dis-empowered by the group. Our desire is to empower the person to come to their own conclusions.

However, having said that, we also tell them that you cannot (based on our experience) just throw out the whole belief system and experience. That is to live in denial. It was the belief system that fueled the abuse, and not everything in the belief system was evil. Therefore, each former member of any destructive group is then faced with the most daunting task they will ever face in their post group recovery. We would contend that they need to dismantle the faulty belief system that fueled all the abuse they experienced. Then they need to hold on to the good and let go of the rest. If this is not done, then the faulty beliefs continue to roll around inside the person making their life miserable. What we seek to do at MeadowHaven is give them the tools to begin that process in a safe environment. So, the short answer to your question is that we do not stand in judgment of another’s belief system (or lack thereof) or seek to impose our own.

Regarding your questions of sexuality, same sex relationships and MeadowHaven, our primary objective is to create a healing environment for all who would be received into the program (we have had individuals of a same sex orientation). Individuals who come are usually deeply hurting, traumatized by their group experience, and in need of a “safe” environment. That safe environment is what we seek to provide and this involves minimizing “triggers” in the environment itself and in what the residents can and cannot do while they are with us.

Thus, while we are seeking to empower each resident in the areas of self esteem, trauma recovery, thought reform, boundaries, etc., for the sake of all, some “personal freedoms” will need to be put aside if the individual chooses to be a part of the program. We would not allow an unmarried male and female couple to participate as residents in the MeadowHaven program because of the distraction it would be to the rest of the residents. In the midst of the current resident’s trauma and cult recovery (those who are already part of the program) it is unfair to impose on them an ethical dilemma they are ill equipped to face. It would be very counterproductive to their healing. Remember, we are there to help heal trauma, establish boundaries, grow in self esteem…not create and manage ethical and moral categories. There are many, many other areas just like this one and yours falls into this category. It is an issue of management for us.