I apologize for being so long in responding to your question. It sounds like you have suffered for quite a period of time; and your experience is not unusual. Many individuals who leave destructive groups like TF live lives of secret pain and quite desperation. Most people we work with at MeadowHaven have some major depressive disorder and ramped up anxiety. Most are also taking some sort of medication to control their symptoms. Again, this is not unusual or abnormal for the trauma they have been subjected to (and often “in the Name of God”) during their cult experience.

The difficulty, Exer, as I have discussed in previous posts is that you are probably suffering from what is now known as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is an emotional/psychological disorder that left untreated does not go away, but rather, goes underground. The traumatized person can initially manifest little to no symptoms, then months or years later begin to “come apart at the seams.”
It is common for people to feel that no matter what they’ve faced or lived with, no matter how extreme, they should be able to carry on. But sometimes people face situations that are so traumatic that they may become unable to cope and function in their daily lives. Some people become so distressed by memories of the trauma – memories that won’t go away – that they begin to live their lives trying to avoid any reminders of what happened to them. Their lives become constricted, made up of what they now cannot do, and they feel increasingly disconnected from life and loved ones in general. When “God” has become a part of this systematic trauma the damage is particularly insidious.
For a person who feels this way months and years after a traumatic experience or situation, getting beyond the trauma and overcoming PTSD requires the help of a professional. If you still hold on to your Christian beliefs I would encourage you to try and find a believer who is a counselor and who understands trauma recovery and cults. This is a tall order but there are those of us out there who able to help you in this arena. If your faith has been shattered by TF (which would be very normal at this point) then try and find some one who can be sensitive to these two areas and not assume that you are “psychotic.”