However, your current circumstances are very troubling and your tolerance of them, while noble in intent, equally troubling. You sound like a good person who is trying to survive an intolerable environment. Growing up in the Family has “normalized” (at a minimum) an emotionally and psychologically abusive home for yourself and your children. You reference your feelings of “long suffering”, “martyrdom”, but ultimately “anger” towards your husband for his reckless drinking, and then not doing anything about it. YOU cannot force him into rehab, beg him into rehab, threaten him into rehab, “long suffer” him into rehab. He has to decide/choose that his life and family are more important to him than the alcohol. At this point your first priority is your children and yourself, not him, as harsh as that sounds. As long as you stay with the children in that environment you will only become more angry and bitter, and enable his bad behavior. You also are teaching your children how to put up with a very abusive environment.
If you truly love your husband and want to reach him, tell him that you love him but will not continue to subject your children or yourself to such abusive circumstances; that you all deserve better. Tell him that you love him and will do anything to help him beat this, but will not continue to enable his bad behavior. Tell him that he must immediately check into an alcohol rehab program if he truly loves you and the children, then stand your ground. If he refuses then you must protect your children and yourself.
If your husband gets help with his alcohol then he can begin to deal with the trauma that most likely is the source of this addiction. I truly hope and pray things work out for you, Collette.