I would ask if those with wisdom would like to give their imput into this issue I would be so appreciative as I plan to have my wife read these comments and told her tonight about what was written on here.

We had another episode with the son tonight and I had already made it clear I did not want him to come over here and I did not want to have further communication for now with him as I did not want more heated confrontations with him and my wife getting upset and myself also.

Ive been praying Lord how should I deal with this situation exactly. The son came over tonight because the younger son whos staying with him now and had some kind of argument and so the younger son came over to our apt to chill out.

So the older son starts knocking on the door. The younger son goes out to talk to him but apparently it was going nowhere and the youger son was drained and tired from just having got off a 12hr shift at work. What ever the dispute was about it apparently was not getting worked out.

So the younger son came back inside upset and the older son continued to knock on the door. I asked my wife didnt you tell him (the older son)not to come over here. The wife said yes I did and the older son continued to knock. I said well youd better tell him to go home or tonight I really will call the police.

The night before I was going to but my wife talked me out of it. I said you'd better go take care of it then because if I have to go out there, there will be trouble! Last night the older son tryed to provoke me to hit him saying come on go ahead and hit me,go ahead and do it!

So my wife went out and talked to him and apparently he calmed down a little and then when she came in he started knocking at the door and wanting to come in. I could hear him out side saying I thought you believed in forgiveness and saying different things and this was around 11pm when most people have gone to bed.

I was getting extremely upset and shouted from inside where I was sitting you have 10 seconds to go or Im calling the police. He continued running his mouth speaking loudly.My wife said please dont call the police.

More than 10 seconds passed and he continued on with his carrying on even to the point of some fake crying and then carrying on again with his manipulative statements. His younger brother went to the door and told him he needed to leave as I picked up the phone to call the police against my wifes wishes.

As I was giving the police our apt address he finally started to leave when he saw I meant business. I told the police he had left and they told me if he comes back to call them again and I could make out a no trespass report on him.

He did not come back but a high level of tension and stress was the result of his visit. The younger son visibally upset knowing he was going to have to go back to the older brothers apt and go to sleep.

I would appreciate any imput as at this point Im unsure what to do in this situation. My wife still defends her oldest sons bad behavior Icant talk sense to her. She is so stressed out I cant bring the subject up at this point in time. I would appreciate any good advice at this point.

> In the 6 year relationship with my wife when
> I first met her sons I tryed to establish a
> good relationship and rappore with them. The
> two oldest sons had things in their heart
> against their mother and I the step father
> tryed in vain to understand but at a certain
> point told both of the older sons off and to
> not even bother to call if they were just
> going to keep hassling their mother and
> putting her down and making her feel
> miserable.

> The second oldest son hasnt called since
> then. The oldest son would call periodically
> but never had anything good to say and would
> always interject some kind of guilt into the
> conversation about the past concerning his
> mom. At a certain point when between jobs
> the oldest son would ask if he could come
> and live for a while in the home of the
> mother and myself. I told him absolutely NO!

> The calls though not frequent were always
> negitive and attempting to be manipulative.
> The oldest son accused me at different times
> of not wanting him to have a relationship of
> any kind with his mother. The mother was
> free at any time to go and visit this son
> but the son was not encouraged to come and
> visit our home.

> About 3 months ago while delivering a truck
> the tires blew out and threw the son out of
> the truck and his back was broken. The son
> was on route to another city but was in
> juristiction of the hospital in the city
> where I and his mother live.

> So he called from the hospital to say his
> back was broken and could we help him. I was
> overwhelmed with sympathy and at first
> considered taking him into our home and even
> being a personal attendent to help take care
> of this son. At the time the youngest son
> (20) was living with us. But after the
> initial shock I began having seconds
> thoughts and at first thought I was just
> being selfish but a growing apprehension
> started as soon as I visited the son in the
> hospital and began to sense something was
> wrong with this picture.

> Then a friend called and shared with me that
> the Lord had spoken to him that I had better
> count the cost before rushing in to rescue
> going strictly by emotions and not really
> getting a comfirmation from the Lord. This
> seemed to confim to me that my apprehensions
> were not without good reason.

> So I myself and my wife and the youngest son
> prayed and we all despite our emotions of
> wanting to rescue got the same thing that it
> would not be Gods will for this son to move
> into our tiny apartment. And that he not
> only needed physical therpy but also mental
> and spiritual help also which we could not
> help him with.

> So what happened is the hospital told him
> since he did not qualify for medicaid and
> the therapy program he was supposed to go to
> that he would not be able to since he had no
> insurance and no money. He would be
> discharged from the hospital with no where
> to go. His dad had no sympathy for his
> situation and did not offer any assistance
> of any kind but did visit him once in the
> hospital.

> So the pressure was on my wife and I and
> being christians we couldnt just turn our
> back and let him in that short time of
> recovery in the hospital be left to live in
> the street,so my wife began to get on the
> phone to try to get assistance so he could
> get an apartment in the complex where we
> live which I did not think was a good idea .
> She worked it out with the management.

> The youngest son offered to rent the apt in
> his name since here you have to have a job
> to rent an apartment. So the youngest son
> ended up moving in recently since hes paying
> half the rent. I would help in meal
> preparation in the evenings since although
> he can walk with a cane and wears a back
> brace it would make it easier for him.

> In the fellowship times that I had with him
> the old obstinate self opinionated arrogant
> person I had known him to be from the past
> irratated me to the point where I began to
> avoid his company in his frequent visits to
> our apt. My wife would just overlook it and
> try to encourage me to have a relationship
> with him and tell me this is a time of new
> beginnings. I tryed to accept this concept
> and that the Lord would be speaking to this
> son and his attitude would change. I would
> pray for him not only for a healing of his
> back but also a change in his heart and
> attitude.

> After a period of time he was just a drain
> for me to be around and offered nothing
> positive but rather a nosey attitude about
> my personal business and a critical comment
> here or there. A few times when due to his
> insensitivy he would have to be asked to go
> back over to him apt so myself and his
> mother could have some time to ourselves. A
> few times he resisted and had to be told
> quite firmly and it lead into a confrotation
> which everyone got involved in including the
> youngest son.

> I was made to feel like the villian because
> I stood up to the oldest sons insensitivy
> and stubborness and interferring attitude.
> It seemed like just a misunderstanding that
> could be forgiven and over looked but I kept
> sensing things seemed ok on the surface but
> though apoligies were presented and accepted
> things still some how were not right.

> As time went on I would go thru the motions
> but just this sons presence around me
> iritated me and I would avoid being around
> him as much as I could. My wife and I began
> to have more and more contention between us
> and more arguments began to happen even
> about other things not directly related
> about the oldest son. My wife was running
> herself ragged driving her oldest son to
> doctor appointements and try to get support
> for him to pay his rent from various sources
> besides working a part time job and having
> to run the youngest son to work and back. My
> wife is not in good physical health and I
> would help out when I wasnt working to help
> with different things.

> Last night as I was wanting to discuss
> important things with my wife and right in
> the middle of it the oldest son comes
> knocking at the door and I told him we were
> busy and he said oh Im not allowed to talk
> to my mom and I said not now we are busy. He
> just continued to push the issue of talking
> with his mom to the point I told him he need
> to go back to his apt.

> The conversation escalated to the point we
> were both yelling at each other and I told
> him to get the hell out of my face and leave
> or I would call the cops. He became
> beligerant and stood outside calling
> attention to all the neighbors about how bad
> I was and how I abuse his mom and so on and
> so on. I came inside and was visibally upset
> and began to get stabbing pains in my
> kidneys which only happens when I get
> extreemly upset which doenst happen very
> often.

> My wife went out and spoke to him and he
> eventually went back to his apt. I told my
> wife this is the last straw for him to have
> done what he did and as of this moment he is
> forbidden to come into our apt when I am
> here. My wife still wants to be the rescuer
> and even this past week suggested we talk to
> the land lord and see if he will sell us a 3
> bedroom home of course so the oldest son can
> move in with us along with the youngest son.

> I dont believe any attempt has been made by
> the oldest son himself to help himself in
> any way. Anything that gets done in the way
> of appointments with the doctor or help
> agencies is all done by my wife as far as I
> know.

> Even though the Lord showed us in the
> beginning she was not to be the rescuer
> thats exactly what she has become and will
> not listen to me concerning that issue. Its
> really putting a strain on our marriage and
> on her personally but she just gets
> defensive when ever I bring up the subject
> of her oldest son. I am not working
> currently as I got fired last week from a
> job so thats puts more pressure because of
> bills we are accumulating.

> God is moving behind the scenes I do believe
> and our prayers are not unheard but I feel
> that we need to get more in line with his
> will and these other things will fall into
> place, even the health issues.