I subscribe to this on-line writers newsletter and they just announced a contest for the worst analogies. To help everyone along, they've given some examples. I'm adding some of the "best" ones here. Enjoy.

"Worst Analogies

These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest in the Washington Post Style Invitational.

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

"Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

End of the "Worst"

These analogies remind me of a writing critics humorous statement regarding a so-so writer. He wrote that her writing was "...the chicken-tracks on the underwear of literature."

Nuf said.