I know I came across sounding quite strong and I don't intend to sound that way. For this reason I wanted to explain a little further.

The past few days I've not been feeling well. The night of this confrontation with our son I was feeling especially run-down. The night before, I thought I might actually die. No exaggeration.

I've been feeling very burdened for the situation in Asia. Not that I'm worrying, but I can just feel the tremendous grief flowing from there and it bears down on me. I think it's affecting anyone who has any spirit of compassion.

My attitude towards the Family, for the most part, is mixed.

I know that the majority of people in the group are either duped (a small amount of which are sincere) or they just have no where else to go. No education to be able to survive outside of the group. Many are just too old to start anew. I know such people personally and still communicate with them on friendly terms.

It's the so-called upper echelon, the heirarchy who keep everyone squelched, those are the jerks that I have nothing good to say about.

Naturally, the underlings have all been conditioned (I was one) that anyone who attacks the heirarchy, is attacking God Himself. It took me years and years and years to finally realize that.

So, back to my response to your post. When I'm upset at a situation, I'm not very receptive to hearing a sermon from someone who signs their name "anonymous".

I know teens hormones are going insane at this time, but a child that has been raised with consistency and love and is taught by example to respect others is much easier to control and talk to and persuade than a child who has been left to himself since the day he was born.

Our son (who was the "middle" child) was left to be raised by aunty or uncle "whoever" for 12 years. His mother shirked her responsibility because she believed the Family teaching that "they are all our children". So she took a vacation for 12 years and now we have to mop up her mess.

I love Phil. He's not a "bad" boy, but he slips into this hellish spirit at times and, as you know from your own child, he can be deaf, dumb and blind and still think he "sits a king and shall see no evil."

We have to be very firm with him at times. Very strict and when we slack off and decide to let him have a break, he falls right back into his old habits.

When I posted my prayer request, I was feeling sick and I had no more strength left in me to put up with him. So I asked for prayer and let out my frustrations at the same time.

Like you, I have days when I'm really out of it and all I need is prayer. I can't listen to sermons on courage, it just discourages me more.

For that reason I wrote the other post back to you. I'm sorry if I came across bitchy, didn't mean to. I'm just battling on several fronts here. Sorry.