I went through 10 years of psychological problems trying to come to terms with having to face the fact that I was now out on my own without any group support whatsoever. I wasn't emotionally ready to leave the group badk then. And my wife wasn't either! And we were broke! And had six kids! I was so anxious that I got an ulcer within a month. Then I developed all kinds of back trouble, all somotized - anger turned inward. Depression set in and with it came those long cold winter months of 4:00 am wake ups. (If your body has something wrong with it, that can wake you up too, deprssion or no.) Tinges of arthritis started to attack me too. I forget where now - fingers moreso than anywhere, I think.

I pretty much numbed what I was going through with food, over eating (lucky me I don't gain weight easily), cause I couldn't do drugs and drink anymore. I had burnt myself out on those pain killers before joining the Fam. When I came to the boards here and saw just what it was I was having to say goodbye to, I did (say goodbye), and all my troubles up and dissapeared. I mounted up with the wings of an eagle after that.

After cutting the apron string, the reality of what that whole experience had cost me began to sink in and phew, it had cost a lot, but in a way it was good. It was the goodness side of grief, the kind that works itself through and then goes away all by itself, once the grieving is done.

The bad eating habits I picked up during those ten grieviously stressful years were hard to shake though, and will take a toll still, if I allow myself to do them. I'm very prone to caffeine poisoning for example, cause I've poisoned myself too many times. So I have to really watch it. If I pig out, I'll sometimes get intestinal pain, so I try not to pig out. But then again, I still do at times -just a bad habit. There's nothing troubling me really, emotionally anymore. I could die in peace now, like I said before.

But the fear and the tension, the bitterness and the hatred, and the mismanaged emotion of it all for those ten years, did get the best of me for a long while, and what was going on in the psyche, did come out in the body.

Being a type 0 blood type, I find that my body can easily handle red meat and lots of it - lucky me! It can handle the very occasion beer, (about 1 every couple of months - ha) but doesn't do good on wine. It does great on lemons and grapefruit. If I have any kind of stomach trouble and need an anti-acid, or if I'm hurting anywhere internally, water and lemons and grapefruits do it for me. They say they turn alcaline in digestion. Well glory be! I love em too!

Fats will give me pains that radiate out my back. I prayed desparately one night, a long long time ago, asking God to show me what was wrong when that sarted happening and what I needed to do, and I got it was fat, that I needed to cut out the fat. So I did and that trouble went away.

I do great on Rommaine lettuce, figs, prunes, olive oil in moderation, broccoli. These are all highly beneficial for me. Rice and potatoes are ok, but not bread (wheat), corn or and dairy products. Well, I eat my heavenly hash icecream treats throughout the summer, regardless.

Clearing up what drove me into the Family, and clearing up what drove me out of the Family, cleared up what was killing me, both in and out of the Family.

> About what DB said in "Sex Works"
> " FEAR, TENSION, HATRED: ALL BREED THE
> VARIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL AND NERVOUS DISEASES
> as well as the natural physiological
> diseases like heart trouble and arthritis
> and stomach ulcers, all of which can be
> caused by worry and fear. Nearly all people
> who have severe cases of arthritis, if not
> caused by some infection, the arthritis is
> usually caused by bitterness and hatred and
> a negative attitude toward life."