Thanks Linda for your words. I'm pretty much a chicken to pain, so that's one thing that always stopped me whenever I considered the suicide alternative.
This last time though, I really could care less. I just didn't care if I lived or died, it made no difference. But what brought me out of it was the awful job my kids did decorating the Christmas tree!
That sounds silly, and it is, but I wasn't even going to do Christmas, and they so desperately wanted to, I told them to go ahead and set it up, I ignored the decorating for 2 days and finally it just got to me, I took everything down and re-did it. I had a good cry while putting the lights on the tree, I thought out a few issues, and even though I didn't feel much happier, maybe I felt a bit lighter. It took a few more weeks to pull out of it totally, and by the first week of January I had gotten back to my normal self--whatever normal is.
PS. I'm borrowing your bold lettering to make it easier to read this!
> Pd, I think this is a very good subject. I
> don't know if everyone gets hit with
> thoughts about suicide, but I think it may
> be pretty common. I'd like to do a survey on
> it and see how people pulled up out of it.
> I went through that. I was kicked out of the
> fumbly in 1990 and felt my life had no
> meaning anymore. This continued for about 3
> months after which I just sank lower, and
> lower and lower. I reached the point that I
> seriously believed there was absolutely NO
> reason for me to go on. "If the
> *blooper group* doesn't love me, God must
> not love me." Yeah, sick.
> I then started thinking of the best way to
> do it. I couldn't stand the thought of
> jumping off a building. I can barely look
> out a second story window.
> I thought of hanging, but I hate not being
> able to breath. Gas? I might blow up my
> mom's house. A gun? I didn't own one. No
> knives, thank you. So I thought of car
> exhaust. (light bulb went on) Hey, great
> idea! I wasn't happy about it, but it
> sounded like the most reasonably and least
> messy solution. But then I thought of how
> freaked out my loved ones would be finding
> the body. So I figured I could pull it off
> in a police-station parking lot.
> You know what stopped me? I thought of how
> miserably sad everyone who loved me would
> A few years ago I visited a memorial site of
> people who'd lost a loved-one to suicide and
> the quote on the site really struck me. It
> said something like, "They die once. We
> die over and over again."
> So that's what stopped me pretty much. I
> also had an enlightening experience, but I
> won't get into that. However, it would be
> interesting to hear what others have gone
> through with thoughts of suicide.
> What brought you up out of it, Pd?