Very good topic. I like that song that comes to me every so often-"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,his everlasting mercies are without end, they are new every morning, new every morning,Great is thy faithfulness"!

I think in these latter years of my life I dont take them for granted at least not as much as I probably did in the past. And having been in the family almost 20yrs, I still struggle within myself on what exactly was good and what I should retain and what was bad teaching and example and what I need to disregard.

I know for sure not all of it was bad and I did learn some good things. At times I did get to experience Gods mercy inspite of some that had none to give or show. I can think of a particular time where God even used David C. as my leader at the time who showed me mercy when I was in a sad state and felt really condemned. I was put out of the home staying in a motel and David C. went and got me a six pack of beer and a pack of cigerettes to ease my suffering. That was Gods mercy at the time and totally against family policy.

At the time there was a no beer policy and smoking has always been a no no. And to cater to someone who had just been more or less excommunicated would have gotten David C. in trouble if leadership had found out.

I will always remember that time. I remember another time too when I was convinced I couldnt hear from the Lord and was going thru such horrible trials because I was so intently wanted to "hear from the Lord"!

I geninuely wanted to know everything would be all right as I felt condemned like I was just such an awful sinner and a failure and just couldnt get the victory! I had just come away from a meeting with leadership where all the problem cases in the area were being sent to be "talked to" and with the ultimatium to "get the victory or get out".

I came away from that meeting feeling very condemned and hopeless, and the home I was in at the time was like hell! There was no love there just a self righteous tolerance of me being there and my position was as "home slave and litnesser". So I was fortunately transferred from that home two days later after the "problem case" meeting, down to David C.s home but still on probation even after I was transferred there.

And it was pretty sad. I was very depressed and frustrated because I felt like God was mad at me and so I couldnt hear from him. I had anger in my heart against the attitude & treatment of the home shepherd (which he later appologised for) So when I got to David C.s home I was in pretty sad shape.

And I remember David C. putting a tape recorder behind the curtain in the bedroom I was to sleep in. And when I came in to go to bed I heard this voice comeing from somewhere saying "Michael, Michael, this is the Lord and I hear you"!

Finally I pulled the curtain back and saw the tape recorder and we all had a good laugh. I still remember that prank to this day. Thank God for his mercy and for the different people he put in my life. Love Michael C.

> Have you ever felt like you were waiting for
> the next heartbreak or the next catastrophe
> to happen in your life, well if you have you
> are normal, like the rest of us, believe it
> or not we all have those thoughts, correct
> me if I am wrong. There are some things that
> I have done in my life, that I thought, “
> The judgment of God will surely come to me
> now”, but the Lord had Mercy, why I don’t
> know, other than the fact than to realize
> the Love of God and that His Love and Mercy
> to us, and it never came. Also to show us
> that the things we learned in the family
> were not all what the Lord wanted. I know
> some will say that nothing we learned was of
> any value, but I don’t agree, but the love
> and mercy of Jesus is something I never
> learned, only now am I seeing it. You can
> learn a lot, but if you have never learned
> to feel or know the Love of God, you have
> not really learned.

> When I was in the family, I had a picture of
> the Lord as merciful, but not very tolerant,
> but thank the Lord since then I have learned
> and realized the Lord in a way that I had
> never known him before. I am so glad that I
> am where I am, I don’t think I could have
> learned the Love and Mercy of the Lord in
> the family. I know I have a lot to still
> learn, but I wanted to share that.
> Have a Merry Christmas. Love David C.