Hello Carmel,

Whatever problems you are having to deal with, I do pray for you to get through it.--And thankyou for your comments!

The only hardships I've really had over Nancy's death, is that half the workers here really treated her unfairly, until the day she died.

I can't get into the details now, but if I wasn't so aware of where the root of the problem originates from, there would have been some dead workers a month ago.

Even after the last trip to the ICU, with less than 6% of her lungs to breathe with, once or twice a worker refused to get another worker to help her get from the comode to her bed.

They demanded she do it herself. Any other patient, they would use an ergo-lift, to transport them either direction. The last two weeks of her life, there was nobody with more diminished lung function than Nancy, but they bowed hand and foot to all of them, especially the smokers.

Before they moved her back to her room, they put her on Ritalin, and what I saw happen in two or three days, I'm now convinced that they used Ritalin to burn out the last energy she had.

You better believe I miss her, even though she is very demanding, and possessive. We never really had a chance to say "good-bye" to each other.

The weekend before she died, I was so worn out from physical exhaustion, and having a hard time to breathe, that Nancy got mad at me Sunday morning at 6 am, when I got up early to check on her and had to go back to bed until breakfast.

She had sever backpains, and needed me to massage her back. Two night-shift workers were good to her, and sat with her through the night, and helped her with back massage. When they had to do their rounds and finish their shift, she needed me to stay there, but I couldn't.

Although we were married, for the past year she had needed a private room, and alot of quiet and sleep. So, I was always coming and going on both floors. After breakfast, I was with her the rest of the time, except for toilet breaks and meals, until I went to bed at night.

Again Monday night, she got mad at me, and the last words she said to me, before she could no longer talk, was "shut-up, Robert"! She was mad, because administration arranged for an extra worker to sit with Nancy on the evening and night-shifts, so I would get more sleep time.

The first worker was massaging Nancy's back, and talking to me about things, and asking questions at the same time. Obviously, we were concentrating more on talking, than being there for her. So, I just shut-up.

When he had to take a break, later, Nancy asked me to massage her, and usually she liked the kind of backrubs I used to give her. She always used to appreciate for how it helped her fall asleep, but that Monday night she was in serious pain.

Also, she had a full-face mask for the ventilator, which made it very difficult to hear what she wanted at times. By Tuesday, she could only shake her head, and squeeze our hands.

Last week I asked the recreation co-ordinator if there are any newer photos of Nancy, than the wedding, and she said no. So, here is themost recent photo of Nancy:

http://groups.msn.com/IronsidesWorldHeadquarters/yourwebpage.msnw

Take care!

> Hi Ironsides!

> Unfortunately I'm in a time comsuming meat
> grinder AGAIN but saw your name posted &
> wanted to say that I saw you for the first
> time that I ever remember in your wedding
> pic w/ Nancy.