That was very interesting, Jane. I was thinking about how long it has taken you and your siblings to piece all this together. My husband and I have gone through similar experiences with his family. I'm also beginning to understand family dynamics regarding my step-mother and half sisters, too. After my mother died (I was 13 and my sister was 6), my dad remarried a couple of years later. He and my stepmother had two daughters. I was never very close to them due to the huge age difference and the fact that I was either in college or the COG for most of their early life. When I returned to the states, I tried to begin a relationship with my dad, step-mom, sister and half-sisters; however, in the beginning, things were, naturally, strained. My sister and I actually had no real problems re-establishing our relationship. We've always had a love and understanding between us that wasn't true of the rest of the clan. After a while, however, I began to realize all the resentment that my dad and step-mom had against me. I still don't understand it all, though. Eventually I apologized to them, but they continued to harbor things. I know this because they continued to bring up my COG life. They had trouble leaving it in the past. I believe that they, too, felt some guilt. My step-mother apologized for not allowing my dad to seek the help of the FBI to get me out of the COG. (LOL We know how well that would have worked.) I told her that I understood and didn't hold any resentment. Thankfully, my relationship with my dad did improve and before he died, we became fairly close. Although I began to assume that things had also improved with my step-mother, I have had to acknowledge that she will probably never accept me as part of what is left of the family. The biggest heartache for me, however, is how torn my sister is. We have had a very close relationship over the years. We call each other frequently on the phone. We talk for long periods; we share everything about our lives. But this summer I was confronted with a side of my sister that I found very disappointing. It has taken a lot of prayer to help me over this hump. I confronted my sister about her behavior and she acknowledged that she was wrong, but she still doesn't seem to get it. What happened was that she spent weeks visiting my stepmother and half-sisters, although she hasn't seen me in a couple of years. She had just visited them last March, too. But still she continues to call me and act like I'm her best friend. When I asked her if she spoke with them as often, she said that they rarely call her. She always has to call them. It's a real puzzle to me. I love her dearly, but they seem to have something that she needs. I'm thinking that it's a sense of family and belonging.

Family dynamics can be so complex as it is. Add to that a member who was in a disreputable cult and sometimes the repercussions can last a lifetime. I don't pine over the loss, though, because I know that my step-mother is not a believer, and that part of the difficulty is that I remain a committed Christian.

Thanks for sharing your story and hope that you didn't mind that I shared this as well.