Your post brought up something I have been thinking about lately and that is something ex-members of cults could have in common with people who were separated from their families while being drawn into something which would be embarrasing to the family. I was thinking of the Austrian girl who had been kidnapped and kept in a basement by a depraved man and also the story of Stephen Stainer who was abducted as a child and only years later reunited with his birth family.
Though we were recruited into a cult as youth and voluntarily forsook all, the restraints that kept us in were as real as being locked in a basement.
If I believe God is real and that to think of my family as outsiders and not in God's will, and I believe that God could kill me or hurt me or my family for getting out of what I believe to be his will, this is more effective bondage than armed guards who you could look to make a break from in an unguarded moment.
I was already estranged from my family of origin while I was IN it, and so the estrangement of the family was not so dramatic as it would be for someone who was close to their family of origin. Nevertheless, trying to build relationships after years of being "away" has been impossible and it has been very hard to build relationships with my own children despite being out for most of their lives.
There are too many topics in what I am writing now, so maybe sticking with the estrangement theme would be good.
I know when I got out I wanted to see my grandmother who by that time was very old. I was not allowed by them (my aunt mostly who was taking care of her) to visit and never saw her or spoke with her after leaving the family.
My mother turned against me with my sister who I was never close to. It would hurt to see my abusive and out of control much older brother being accepted by my sister more than me.
Some things just can't be mended but I have to say that new relationships have become my primary ones. Like my daughter in law who I refer to as my daughter. We are that close as I also am with my granddaugter and son and with her husband who I call my son. I am real glad for that relationship.
I would imagine others here can relate to estrangement from family of origin.

> That was very interesting, Jane. I was
> thinking about how long it has taken you and
> your siblings to piece all this together. My
> husband and I have gone through similar
> experiences with his family. I'm also
> beginning to understand family dynamics
> regarding my step-mother and half sisters,
> too. After my mother died (I was 13 and my
> sister was 6), my dad remarried a couple of
> years later. He and my stepmother had two
> daughters. I was never very close to them
> due to the huge age difference and the fact
> that I was either in college or the COG for
> most of their early life. When I returned to
> the states, I tried to begin a relationship
> with my dad, step-mom, sister and
> half-sisters; however, in the beginning,
> things were, naturally, strained. My sister
> and I actually had no real problems
> re-establishing our relationship. We've
> always had a love and understanding between
> us that wasn't true of the rest of the clan.
> After a while, however, I began to realize
> all the resentment that my dad and step-mom
> had against me. I still don't understand it
> all, though. Eventually I apologized to
> them, but they continued to harbor things. I
> know this because they continued to bring up
> my COG life. They had trouble leaving it in
> the past. I believe that they, too, felt
> some guilt. My step-mother apologized for
> not allowing my dad to seek the help of the
> FBI to get me out of the COG. (LOL We know
> how well that would have worked.) I told her
> that I understood and didn't hold any
> resentment. Thankfully, my relationship with
> my dad did improve and before he died, we
> became fairly close. Although I began to
> assume that things had also improved with my
> step-mother, I have had to acknowledge that
> she will probably never accept me as part of
> what is left of the family. The biggest
> heartache for me, however, is how torn my
> sister is. We have had a very close
> relationship over the years. We call each
> other frequently on the phone. We talk for
> long periods; we share everything about our
> lives. But this summer I was confronted with
> a side of my sister that I found very
> disappointing. It has taken a lot of prayer
> to help me over this hump. I confronted my
> sister about her behavior and she
> acknowledged that she was wrong, but she
> still doesn't seem to get it. What happened
> was that she spent weeks visiting my
> stepmother and half-sisters, although she
> hasn't seen me in a couple of years. She had
> just visited them last March, too. But still
> she continues to call me and act like I'm
> her best friend. When I asked her if she
> spoke with them as often, she said that they
> rarely call her. She always has to call
> them. It's a real puzzle to me. I love her
> dearly, but they seem to have something that
> she needs. I'm thinking that it's a sense of
> family and belonging.

> Family dynamics can be so complex as it is.
> Add to that a member who was in a
> disreputable cult and sometimes the
> repercussions can last a lifetime. I don't
> pine over the loss, though, because I know
> that my step-mother is not a believer, and
> that part of the difficulty is that I remain
> a committed Christian.

> Thanks for sharing your story and hope that
> you didn't mind that I shared this as well.