You said something that sort of hit me. You said "My mom had talked with one of her best friends and told her about her fears of me raising my daughter to become a whore. " I think maybe her fears were valid. We did that in the COG. Maybe not you, or me, but some in the right or wrong situation did. It did happen, and it was not uncommon. We really lived in a different world in the COG
I met someone after my motherinlaw died that knew her while we were in the COG. She and I got to talking and she told me a lot of what my mother-in-law had said about the COG and me. She was right. Every bit of it. It was ugly and insulting but it was true. It made us laugh a bit but it really hurt that I brought so much fear and pain to them.
I didn't realize it at the time, but the greatest gift my mother-in-law gave, was herself. She sort of stomped a mud hole in my life and sat down. We had a lot of angry, rough times and mostly it was because I didn't trust her, thought she was a sysemite. I looked down on her for being a simple Christian. I was, for the most part, an arrogant ignorant snob. She just kept loving me and my kids. She became my best friend, and my children's biggest advocate. She passed away a few years ago and we still miss her every day. My own mother had passed away when I was in the COG. I had two excellent mothers and it was a tremendous and healing blessing. There are still wierd and quirky, "maybe they will never heal" relations in my life, but I am trying to learn from the best. Sometimes, like you, I get it right. Hang in there, Lady. Some times it's one day at a time.



