I have to ask myself when I was recruited, did I believe I was joining a sex cult? If I believed that then it would be easier to beat myself up for having gotten sucked into that. I don't feel guilty for the estrangement of my family probably because we were already estranged and I came from a very abusive household. My sister and I would not be close even if I had never met the Family.
Looking back it is easy to see there was an air of superiority we were taught was ours for joining God's elite force on earth or so we were told.
I think that if I had relations with my family before joining it would be easier to say I was sorry for the way I acted. It certainly wouldn't hurt. But I was already the black sheep of the family. Not because of being "bad" though.
I know that plenty of other people in the world came from abusive backgrounds. I do believe this is not uncommon for people attracted to cults. Even Berg wrote a letter about it, something about a bird that didn't fit in with the flock and how he gathered us up and we were so special.
Pedophiles target their prey in much the same way that power and control freak cult leader do. They scout out the vulnerable looking child. One that is more of a loner.
Does that make the child bad? Or the pedophile? That is not to say there isn't plenty to make amends for in retrospect.
Also, one reason the family can lie to themselves is that Berg and now Zerby reframe things to be pure and good when it is destructive and harmful. Like the family's attitude about sex and one wife.
Really it is about wielding more control than it is about "sharing".
If nuclear families aren't allowed within or are discouraged and children are sent for training away from parents or are encouraged to view the family as a whole as their family rather than their family unit, then loyalty is to the top and not to the family unit.
In effect, we all became objects and human doings within the family and yes we bought into the doctrine until it was too much and we got out. How did you feel when you first got out? Did you feel it was your weakness and your being "out of it" or did you feel at the time that it was the "right" thing to do? I am going to guess it was probably the first one because if you felt the family was wrong or bad you would not have stayed associated to it for awhile after getting out.

> You said something that sort of hit me. You
> said "My mom had talked with one of her
> best friends and told her about her fears of
> me raising my daughter to become a whore.
> " I think maybe her fears were valid.
> We did that in the COG. Maybe not you, or
> me, but some in the right or wrong situation
> did. It did happen, and it was not uncommon.
> We really lived in a different world in the
> COG

> I met someone after my motherinlaw died that
> knew her while we were in the COG. She and I
> got to talking and she told me a lot of what
> my mother-in-law had said about the COG and
> me. She was right. Every bit of it. It was
> ugly and insulting but it was true. It made
> us laugh a bit but it really hurt that I
> brought so much fear and pain to them.

> I didn't realize it at the time, but the
> greatest gift my mother-in-law gave, was
> herself. She sort of stomped a mud hole in
> my life and sat down. We had a lot of angry,
> rough times and mostly it was because I
> didn't trust her, thought she was a
> sysemite. I looked down on her for being a
> simple Christian. I was, for the most
> part, an arrogant ignorant snob. She just
> kept loving me and my kids. She became my
> best friend, and my children's biggest
> advocate. She passed away a few years ago
> and we still miss her every day. My own
> mother had passed away when I was in the
> COG. I had two excellent mothers and it was
> a tremendous and healing blessing. There are
> still wierd and quirky, "maybe they
> will never heal" relations in my life,
> but I am trying to learn from the best.
> Sometimes, like you, I get it right. Hang in
> there, Lady. Some times it's one day at a
> time.