I can so relate to you. My eleven year old is going on 18 and we clash every single day. A year ago before puberty hit we were on much better terms but right now, everyday is a fight. I try to hold my breath until I get her into school in the morning and then I breath very deeply, gratefully all day. Usually she is better when I pick her up from school, for at least until it's time to do homework. Then the attitude returns in spades.

Since the little red is ten years younger than her other syblings I was much older when I had her. I am tired. It's a lot harder to raise this one. I wish it didn't have to be this hard but oh well.

Our boy when he was 17 joined the National Guard, which is part of the army. I think it did do him good. (Thankfully he was right in the middle of the two wars and missed all that horribl stuff.) He had to work extremely hard to make it through basic because he is dyslexic and was lazy. He learned to be respectful of authority, at least more than he was before. The military didn't solve all of his problems however and to this day he still has several demons that he struggles with.

But I did love the story he told me about making his bed. As you know, the army gets real particular about pretty much everything in basic. One day the group was scheduled to go on an all day hike shlepping along their full packs. They crawled back into the barracks close to midnight/one oclock in the morning. Christian apparently hadn't made his bed sufficiently the morning before because what greeted him when he got there, was a note saying 'Make your Bed'! and his bed was laid out on the floor in pieces, every spring, every nut and bolt, the rails...everything. Christian had to wake the guy in charge of the tool cabinet to get the screw driver and he wasn't happy about being woken up. Then my boy had to spend the next hour trying to figure out how to put his bed back together. I think he got maybe one hour of sleep that night. He learned to make his bed.

The book learning part though was the hard part. He knew that he needed extra time to study to learn the manual. If he didn't pass the test at the end they would make him redo the entire basic training course. So the boy would go to bed with his manual and his flashlight. It was against the rules to be awake after lights out but he had to do what he had to do. He would huddle under the covers and study his little brain out. One night the drill sargeant was patrolling the barracks. Christian didn't hear him until it was too late. So the boy took the covers off his head and just stared at the sargeant, who stared back. It was clear that the boy was desperately studying the manual. The sargeant didn't say a word and turned away, leaving the barracks. Christian passed his test at the end of basic.

I was proud of my boy when we went to his graduation in Missouri. He marched in his uniform just like everyone else who made it. He marches like Gomer Pyle and I was laughing, but they let him slide on that part. Thank God, because he really can't march.

One thing that also helped my boy and me before he joined the National Guard, was rock climbing. I'm not kidding. It was challenging, risk taking and we did it together. I'm scared of heights but for him I was willing. What does your boy like? Is there some area where you can come together as partners instead of adversaries?

For my older daughter I was her driver to her singing events. I made her talk, sing, any form of communication. It was my payment for driving. It became a joke with her friends and I think they didn't mind at all talking to me or singing for me. I know that I was/am an embarrassment to my kids, but I embarrass them by showing them I love them. I told the big red that I showed my love by driving her to her events and she paid for my gas by talking to me. Actually I really loved listening to her sing and I do miss that tremendously now that she is a grown up.

Good luck.