How long were your teens in the family? How old were they when they got out? i know my teens were an overflowing handful to say the least. What I did not realize as they entered that age was that a bright teenager's job is to manipulate and to prove to you that they know everything. :P

Mine got into lots of trouble, regularly. I wondered if they would survive it, not to mention me. But they did. Hopefully yours will too. One thing I did was try to avoid power struggles. One of my kids wanted to get their hair cut in a really bizarre fashion. It would have taken a lot of maintenance. I did not forbid it and in fact told him it was okay BUT it would take a lot of maintenance and since I did not like his choice, he would have to pay for the cut and for maintaining it. (It would have been partly shaved, partly long, colored wild, partly spiked etc.) He was so happy that I did not forbid it but when he did the math and realized what he would have to earn to get it done and to keep it up he decided against it.

This same one was real into art and I helped him to get a professional portfolio together and encouraged him to get a job at an events place where he could use his artistic ability. He excelled and from there he has gone on to design and high profile jobs and even has a patent pending on one of his projects.

But the road to that space was fraught with lots and lots of problems. One thing also that I learned to do was to make sure he knew what he did was his choice. There were ground rules and if he chose to break them there were consequences he would not like, and there were also pleasant consequences for good choices he made.

I really relate to setting boundaries and having them not work. It took a lot of work on my part to overcome that because I had not had control over my family and had been so submissive in THE family that I was easy to run over and not real stabile in how I worked with him. When consistency is not your forte to begin with, then when they act out and you start learning what to do it can be very very difficult.

Sometimes it helps to make sure YOU get time you need for yourself, somehow. Time when you take care of you and can set aside the everyday stressors and pursue something you are interested in. There may be limitations in what you can do but even if it is to have an hour to meditate, or go to a movie, go to a park or some place you feel relaxed at, that helps. If you can pick up a class you are interested that is inspirational too.

Meanwhile, I agree with Jane on the BREATHING part. I did a lot of deep breathing during that stage and am glad it is over with.
It is the stage when they are identifying who they are and identifying more with peers. It is also when they are very very self conscious and it is normal to spend hours in the bathroom in front of a mirror. Even for boys.

> You are saying of true things. Your first
> statement is the most difficult to deal
> with. How can such a sweet boy turned into a
> what it seems to be an uncaring individual.
> The first thing I had to learn though, was
> My son does not really enjoy physical
> activities. He is always in his brain,trying
> to be intellectually superior to everyone.
> That is only with stuff that interests him
> at a given time,not necessarily the subjects
> he is supposed to study.
> If he decided that it is Physics today and
> it is the flavor of the month,don't even try
> to have him focus on something else.
> The ''I'' technic could be a good one. I
> will try to remember that one.
> Grounding is the hardest thing to do, it
> does not seem to work at all with him. You
> take away something and he will
> automatically say that he does not care.
> Also, you have to be able to have the
> grounding takes place. Sometime,it just does
> not work. I don't really want to explain
> why.
> . Don't be afraid to ground your son either,
> I
> A lot of people told us that they don't
> really know how to deal with someone like
> him. He is extremely smart and manipulative,
> he is really not your typical teenager,even
> though he has all the characteristics that
> most teenager have. There are a lot of
> things about him that are really different
> from most.
> It is extremely difficult to know what to
> do. We tried different things, but so far
> nothing really works. I am waiting to be
> surprised.
> I am not too spiritual these days, so it is
> not that easy to rely on God to help. I
> still believe somewhere somehow, but my
> faith is very different to what it used to
> be.