Are you a single mom? That makes it harder, but there are things you can do.

If possible, please get a book called, "Laying Down the Law"--the 25 Laws of parenting by Dr. Ruth Peters.

It has done wonders in helping us to handle Phil who is stubborn times 10,000.

One thing she says is, "Don't try to be their "friend". They have friends at school. You are to be their mentor and their guide." "Even if you don't know all the facts, just go with your gut feelings and stick to your guns. You are the parent."

She says that taking aways things they really like helps. With Phil, it's TV and computer.

Depending on how snotty he gets, we either take away one or the other or both and depending on the degree of the crime, we can disconnect it for a day, 3 days, a week, whatever it takes till he crys "uncle". He acts like a total monster the first day we cut off his "entertainment", but we just ride it out and within maybe 3 days, he starts acting all meek. After all, we are the ones providing all of that so we can take it away at any time.

One time he didn't have his computer for a month and he didn't have television for SIX months because we noticed he just couldn't control himself. He was watching that thing morning till night and started imitating the snotty brats on the TV, so we whacked it off and he improved.

Got these ideas from that book and she tells how to set up home rules in such a way that you can keep your sanity and keep things harmonious.

Whether they realize it or not (usually not), kids want discipline. They can't discipline themselves.

Phil said to us once, I knew this teen girl who was 16 and her parents didn't love her. They would let her listen to Marilyn Manson in her bedroom."

When he first came, the first thing I did was go through all his tapes and CD's. I wanted to know what he was listening to. Result: I culled out (with his dad's permission) Linkin Park and Eminnem. He got the latter back 3 years later when we knew he wouldn't be negatively influenced by it.

Of course I explained the reasons he was not allowed to listen to gansta rap and all that junk. It took lots and lots and lots of explaining. Esp. with Phil who has the attention span of a 6 year old.

You're in my prayers, hon.