Any time anything happens to my older kids, I always get these terrible guilt attacks, that it is linked with their past and my responsiblity for it.
I can imagine if my hubby had wanted to leave, that I would have done the same. At the worst of times, my oldest son told me, I had to stop thinking about it because it was literally tearing me apart.
If you have told your kids how sorry you are, then at least they know, it's extremely embarrassing to admit how wrong I was to the kids and to think I never even knew my eldest had been abused by a so called "loving" brother.
The dirty dog that he was, would pull my little eleven year old into his bed.
She never told me until I started apoligising, I couldn't believe how stupid I had been, trusting these 'brothers'.
Anyway, it's taken a long time for my daughter to begin to trust men. I don't know that she has fully recovered.
I hate to think if she became involved in drugs, it certainly can happen to anyone.
Don't think of yourself as whiner, I know how your feel and you need to be able to vent about it, that dirty jerk who abused your daughter.
> I have been out of the COG for 25 years you
> would think I would be over the guilt by
> now. I have had some therapy but the pain is
> intense and I have no idea what to do. My
> life is also in a mess right now. I feel
> like such a whiner after all this time. I
> just don't understand.


