Hi Tired,
Here comes the preacher in me, friend. Please don't take any criticism here. NONE intended. I have no room for that. I hope you know there are a lot of us praying, thinking and hoping the best for you and your son. I feel your exhaustion and sense of hopelessness. These kids can make us nuts at times. I was concerned when you stated:

"As for my faith in God, it is also in the
basement right now. "

It seems that, for yours and his sake, that Faith is the place you most desperately need to go. Your situation is not something that has any easy, quick or a simple hopeful outcome. I know that you really know your son is in some substantial trouble. I've often stated that the worst thing that the Family did was destroy our Faith and rob us of the only One who could help us in our many desolate nights, enormous needs and wrenching dilemmas. Sometimes we get the same effect from councilors, psychologists, ets., and just in reaction to the day after day relentless pull of the situation; quitting seems the only option and yet we go on mindlessly with no fight left.

I came to a place called Hopeless for a time in my life and , yes it was connected to many things, one being a son, out of control. When I realized the utter hopelessness of the situation I just wanted to lie down and die. why bother was my mantra. I think realizing how much I really loved my son, in spite of the hurt he was doing to all of us, was one thing that began to turn the key in me. I began to get in God’s face and get real about my own prayer and study time, even on days it seemed like I was banging on steel, I kept banging. That is where I began to see how much God loved my son and me. Who’d a thought? I learned how to pray again with a Faith born in heaven. I learned to Love my Father. Just to make it simple, mostly what happened as I began to change, see things different, have peace and joy again. I began to trust that God was able, and He is. I have seen it. No my son is not what I wanted, but what God wanted. And yes, it took time. Not in my time.

If I can, in hind sight give any encouragement to you Tired, and you have probably heard it before, See your self and your son from God’s perspective, designed for Good and not Evil, Loved and not hated, trusted and not ashamed. Keep the communication channel open and let your son know you love him and who he is, if you can separate that from his behavior, what he does. Yes, they are interconnected, but there is design and function and often, especially in teens they don’t match up.

There‘s my little 2 cents. Love you, Woodie