Just a ponder… I am wondering about the pattern of abuse. How does it get started? How is it perpetuated among reasonably intelligent people? I know about self esteem and parental pressure and a lot of psychological reasons etc. I have a close friend that went through a divorce during the time we were leaving the COG and we did a lot of note comparing. I have been in several other cultures where what we easily call abuse is the standard of life for many people. The abuse is among race, gender, economic, class etc. People are born into it and never realize there is a problem. Often the one abused tends to blame problems and the pain on them selves. If I had done this better, or if I was different. When some people are able to break free and begin to wake up there is often a lot of justified anger toward the abuser (who is often a victim of abuse, though), though there is often not much healing, and too they look for the security of another abuser or become the abuser. I have a friend who I have seen repeat this pattern over and over. She can see it at the end of each miserable relationship and begins again with all the promises to do and be and believe and then, a lonely night, a late bill, an angry kid and boom, she starts hunting. The last 2 she met on the internet. Arrrgg! At one end, this is a dino-might intelligent lady. At the other, the words vulnerable, susceptible, predisposed , are all to appropriate.