Sure praying for you Karen. I received some horrible news about my son yesterday, and have been walking around in a stupor since. It just feels numb. I know how you feel exactly. I started wishing the same for my son, just to wake him up. He had cleaned up and started out with the best of intentions, but just couldn't stay away from meth. YOu go through all the gamut of emotions; anger, extreme sadness, hopelessness, love, remembering when they were babies and innocent little children, wishing desperately you could do something, but feeling powerless. They're the ones who have to choose now.
My prayers are with you. I pray you find peace in leaving it with the Lord.